"Sitting At Her Feet”

This phrase was beaten into our heads for years. It was used to compare the spiritual growth of others to those who did not “sit at her feet.” Yes, we were all told that if any one of us wanted to really grow in “God,” we had to sit at her feet. Her feet. 

Not Jesus’ feet. Not prostrate before the Lord. No. Her feet.

In fact, there was a very demented divide between the men and women in that place. Women were being groomed to act like her, look like her, think like her, “carry her spirit,” and all sorts of psychological distortions. I was one of the main ones who was constantly groomed with this framework. I was told that a man would not love me for who I was because I carried qualities opposite of her training.

Lies. All lies.

How does this relate to marriage? Well, sadly, we were told that the women who sat under her were well advanced, and the men, who would become their husbands, needed to catch up. In fact, with the exception of one couple, all marriages in that began in that cult were with men who were new believers.

When I was told who my husband was, he was a babe in Christ who had just two months prior left a very troubling situation. He didn’t need a wife in that moment. He needed discipleship. 

Here’s the unbiblical and twisted part: The men were always told they needed to sit at the pastor’s feet if they wanted to grow and receive her anointing so they could become better leaders of their homes. When men would come over to “sit at her feet,” most of the time she was not pouring anything but wasted time into their lives.

Sadly, there were a few occasions where a wife would personally complain one-on-one to her husband. The husband would share it with the pastor, who would then call and rebuke the wife for being selfish regarding her husband’s spiritual growth. The wife’s complaint? She simply wanted more time with her husband. 

To make it worse, some men would drop what they were doing at a moment’s notice if the pastor said she needed help but would move without urgency for their own wives. Additionally, many of the men would listen to the pastor before listening to their own wives.

Ironically, the pastor would tell the women the reason their husbands listened to her before them was because she was their “mom,” and normally “sons” do that. So, what did many of the wives start doing? They started going to the pastor, sharing private information about their marriages in hopes the pastor could talk to their husbands on their behalf.

Essentially, marriages were no longer just a man and a wife in that place. No. It was a three-strand cord consisting of the pastor, the husband, and the wife.  

Almost every life decision couples made had to first be presented to "mommy," not God. When disagreements, job opportunities, or any other situation requiring a decision arose, most people's first thought was to "ask mommy," "tell mommy," or "call mommy." The pastor even encouraged couples to tell their spouses that they would "call mommy" if a disagreement could not be resolved between them.

I, like some others, questioned the behavior: What happens when mommy dies? How will many function without her guidance?

The other ugly side of it? My fiancé at the time specifically told me when we started dating that he wanted us to work out our own problems between us and God. He noticed the patterns early on with others and urged me to keep our relationship between us. We orchestrated personal fasting times and would discuss situations privately, but I did not listen to him. 

The pastor would often ridicule me for us deciding to stay private and for not encouraging him to come over to her house to “sit at her feet.” She would tell me that I was “training” him wrong.

Yes, “training.”

She would warn me that if I kept “training” him wrong, I would regret it. But before I let her into my head, we were very happy. When I started letting her word curses and negativity in, we started falling apart.

——Excerpt from Intolerable, Chapter 14 | Topic of Deliverance: When Shepherds Bleed on the Sheep, Pt. 2: Narcissistic Leadership  

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